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funny sayings•“If life is like a play, mine is lit up on Broadway.”
•“If life is like a video-game, where’s the freakin’ reset button?”
• “Friendship is like a candle. It can light many other candles, but it won’t shorten its life.” – Buddha
•"You fight crime and make cookies? How do you do it?”
•“I hope the ambitious realize they are more likely to succeed with success as opposed to failure.” – George W. Bush
•“If life gives you lemons, FIRE THE TORPEDOES!”
•“If you want to taste the rainbow, eat crayons.”
•“How do

My Fav. Quotes and Sayings p1"I don't have an autographed picture of Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris has an autographed picture of me" (This one is of my own creation, if you use it please give me credit. Loren-Scott "Kody" Beach, aka Wrotne)

An Apple™ a day drives quality away.

I have half a mind to kill you and the other half agreeing.

God made all men and Winchester made them equal.

"Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for the rest of the day,
set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life"

The log is burning bright and so is the city tonight.

Animals have two important places in today's world, to taste good, and to fit well.

If you were trapped

25 Random Sayings25 Random Sayings

1. I'm the kinda girl who walks into a chair and apologizes.

2. I'm not crazy my reality is just different from yours.

3. Not only to I fall down stairs, I trip up them as well - now that takes talent.

4. Don't follow in my footsteps I walk into walls.

5. Friends ask why your crying, best friends already have the shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry.

6. He said I love you, I sneezed and said "Sorry I'm allergic to bullshit".

7. Best friends don't let you do stupid things........alone.

8. A good friend lets you dance with your boyfriend, a best friend yells at him and says "NO SHE'S MINE".

9. Forget about

A Lot Of Funny Little Sayings1. You have ONE advantage over me..... You can kiss my @ss and I can't!

2. Tradgedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.

3. You only live once...but if you live it right, once is enough.

4. If your heart was really broken, you'd be dead, so shut up.

5. When a smurf is choking, what color does it turn?

6. The nice mean are ugly, the handsome men are mean, and the nice and handsome men are GAY!

7. When life hands you lemons, alter their DNA, and make SUPER LEMONS!

8. Boys are like lava lamps, pretty to look at, but not very bright.

9. My imaginary friend thinks you have serious problems...

10. A

Funny sayings P.2The real trouble with reality is that there’s no background music.

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

War doesn’t determine who’s right. War determines who’s left.

If you think things can’t get worse it’s probably only because you lack sufficient imagination.

I once prayed to god for a bike, but quickly found out he didnt work that way…so I stole a bike and prayed for his forgiveness.

You can’t be late until you show up.

Knowledge is realizing that the street is one-

Funny SayingsAny law enacted with more than fifty words contains at least one loophole

Evil is live spelled backwards

God must love stupid people, he made so many of them

When all else fails, read the instuctions

"Push" is the force exerted upon the door marked "Pull"

What some people lack in intelligence, they make up in stupidity

There is a difference between an open mind and a hole in the head

The light at the end of the tunnel could turn out to be the headlight of an oncoming train

A watched pot never boils, unless you light the gas under it

If your parents don't have kids, odds are you won't either

Curiosity kills more mice than cats

Save

Funny Sayingsvery, Very, VERY FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!
Here are some random sayings me & my friends thought of that we think is funny.
READ OR ELSE I SHALL DO NOTHING AT ALL!!!!!!!!!!
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* I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

* This would be really funny if it wasn’t happening to me.

* Guns don’t kill people. . . but they make it real easy.

* Born free. . . taxed to death.

* "The more people I meet, the more I like myself better."

* A bartender is just like a pharmacist. . . but only with a limited inventory.

* "I used to have a handle on life, bu

Funny Quotes 2Every fight is a food fight when you’re a cannibal.
-- Demetri Martin

"My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil."

"I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets."

"A good essay is 10% inspiration, 15% perspiration, and 75% desperation"

"All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific."

"If you can't fix it with duct tape you haven’t used enough."

"All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand."

"Constipated People Don't Give A crap."

"Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you critic

heh heh funny stuffs24 fun things to do on an elevator:

1. Grimace painfully, hit your head with your palm, and say "shut up dammit, all of you just shut up!"

2. Whistle the first 7 notes of "It's a small world" over and over again

3. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"

4. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.

5. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

6. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

7. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with

SayingsIf your not my enemy your collateral damage.

To be worth killing is an honor.

Dying is for people who have morals.

Noone ever expects the teeth....noone...

Its only rape if their conscious.

Life is just the introduction to a book about how you die.

Never attempt an abortion with a fire poker. Lil bastards just grab on too the shaft and pull themselves out.

Condoms are for keeping the gun muzzles clean. Guns are for keeping the babies from being born. Dont confuse the two.

Lifes a bitch then everyone else dies.

World peace cannot be attained untill everyone on Earth is dead.

I eat virgins. Whole.

If life gives you lemons, squeeze so

Wise SayingsSome of my wise sayings

"If we were all normal, we would all look the same, talk the same, act the same doing the same thing at the same time therefore i would rather be wierd than normal any day" Daniel Jones

"Sometimes you've found what you were looking for, but you keep searching because what you didnt know, it was infront of your eyes the whole time" Daniel Jones

" if you care what others think about you, then you are not yourself." Daniel Jones

Karma-> Gods way of saying
"you screwed up someone elses life, now Im going to screw with yours."
or
"you blessed someone elses life now I will bless yours." Daniel Jones

"Remember you

Random sayings.Open your eyes before you open your mouth.

The moment you say "I love you" was the moment you decided he could put a gun to your head and it'd be just fine with you.

You never realize how much someone means to you until you step on them.

Jealousy is a good sign, it means they don't want to share.

What makes her "her"?
The color of her eyes?
The shape of her face?
Or the size of her heart?

If someone says "you're worth it" stare them in the eyes.
And if they mean it, don't say "you don't know what you're talking about."
Because somewhere inside, you know you wanted them to say those words.

Love can last a lifetime and end in the bli

Sayings."People love others not for who they are but for how they make them feel"

"I don't wish to be everything to everyone, but I would like to be something to someone."

"We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly"

"Love comes when manipulation stops; when you think more about the other person than about his or her reactions to you. When you dare to reveal yourself fully. When you dare to be vulnerable."

"Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you I had no control over."

"Saying nothing...sometimes says the most."

"No one acts more foolishly

sayingsa word to the wise is pointless its the dumb ones that need advice,

if time is money then man is poor,

there is no honor in death only in sacrifice,

the only thing nececary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing,

if your not part of the solution your part of the problem,

the most dificult thing is to know your self,

a house devided against itself cannot stand,

every thing comes to those who hustle while they wait,

a man should be upright not kept upright,

many a man curses the rain that falls upon his head not knowing that it brigs abundace that drives away the hunger,

its not so much our friends help that helps us bu

SayingsI love you
More than I can ever express

I love you
More than I can ever explain

I love you
More than time can ever allow me to show

I love you
More than you'll ever know

Please forgive me for the wrongs I've done
And give me a new right

Won't you save me from this darkness
And lead me to the light

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You were never pureDon’t kid yourself-
You were never pure
Vulnerable, yes, but never pure
Your soul is stained by the blood
Of the hearts you gave your love to
Then ripped the hearts apart
One by one

Your lies swirl like smoke
Enveloping your heart, your face, your words
Obscuring your intention
To your prey

Don’t you know by now?
I can see through the smoke
I can catch your gaze and tie it down
To look in the gaping dark within-
I may be intoxicated, but not by you

Aware of every stained breath
And of every muted heartbeat
And every whispered promise
Don’t kid yourself-
You were never pure

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Funny Sayings 1

by ~Akatsukigirl4eva, Jul 6, 2008, 10:58:41 AM
Literature / Poetry / Humor / Free Verse

Funny Sayings #1

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and then call whatever you hit the target

Polytetrafluoroethylene is a word i cant pronounce!

Date a woman, get a free pair of melons!

Beer- The breakfast of champions!

There's only one way to cure a hangover- drink some more!

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the "up" button

If at first you DO succed, TRY not to look suprised

Ever stop to think and then forget to start again?

If life gives you lemons, make margaritas!

If you think life's against you, it probably is

So your wife just left you
How sad you must be
Look on the bright side
She moved in with me!

My tire was thumping
Thought it was flat
Then I looked closer
And noticed your cat! Sorry!

When we were together you said that you would die for me
Now that we are apart, I think that it's time you kept your promise

You brought religion into my life- I didn't belive in hell until I met you!

Im so miserable without you, it's likr your actually here

Funny Sayings 1by ~Akatsukigirl4eva

Literature / Poetry / Humor / Free Verse

some funny sayings...some of them i made up, while others my friends told me

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~Bellairs Jun 4, 2011 Student General Artist

Vodka, for the days when you need a shoulder to cry on but your best friend is too busy...screwing your girlfriend.

Check out some of my comebacks! [link]

~deidaras1girl May 7, 2011 Hobbyist Traditional Artist

lol and i love your avy

~Tevase Jan 9, 2011

DID YOU COME UP WITH THEM

~wolfalchemist01 Dec 10, 2010

some of em made me go ouch xD owned

~DarkAngelSnapeLover Jun 1, 2010

I can't breathe!!!!!

~renesmeecullenlov May 19, 2010

omg love it
_ _
then i lunged for his throut {breaking dawn }

~CrazyChuckTaylors01 Aug 13, 2009

I love it!

~Akatsukigirl4eva Aug 14, 2009 Student General Artist

thanx!

~CrazyChuckTaylors01 Aug 16, 2009

ur welcome

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